I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
