Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
