Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize