This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
