; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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