people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
