chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
