it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
