On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
