Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize