I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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