I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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