this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
