to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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