I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
