Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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