why didn't you poke me back
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
