our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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