My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
