He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
