he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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