What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
