I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
