A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
