Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Lo siento on account of my penis...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
