the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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