the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
