He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
