dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
