Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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