haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
