This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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