Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
