Your dad touched me again.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize