he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So many bounce houses so little time
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
