absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
