I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
