So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was like getting head from an anaconda
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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