don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Your penis caused this!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
