Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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