I wish my penis had an off switch
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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