I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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