I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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