just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
