Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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