I think i peed on brittanys purse
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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