Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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