Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
