If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
