I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
