Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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