could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
