If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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