Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
