This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
how drunk are you?
Several
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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