My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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