Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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