I want to stick my p in your. b.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
