Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
