That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
