This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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