So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
