Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
